Joyful, as always with the NYC Marathon. Could’ve used more clouds!
Did you train for this race? If so, how?
Yes and no. I had an ambitious start, dealt with some early injuries, but couldn’t get into a rhythm for the bulk of it. Career transition jumbled it!
Did you have any goals for this race? If so, what were they?
Finish 3:45, or at least better
Did CHRC help you train for/run/celebrate this race? If so, how?
Yes! Leading the handful of Long Runs that I did kept me honest. Feeling a duty to those around me got me to step up. Guillermo and Walt rode in with me the morning of from Sterling St, and we kept each other cheerful and encouraged throughout the morning. And then Dave G and Mary G ran with me for the first 20 miles!
What was your favorite thing about the race?
New York putting on its best face.
What was the biggest challenge about the race?
20 miles in. Whew!
Would you run it again?
Absolutely.
What advice/tips would you give to Royals wanting to run this race?
Incredible. Difficult. And so much fun. I knew it would be hard but nothing has ever pushed me this hard before. I was pushing myself to run past extreme pain, knowing that the finish line was waiting for me. I had an index card in my pocket with a list of where my spectator friends would be waiting, and between keeping an eye out for them, the energy from the crowd, and all the texts that came through from my friends, I had no problem pushing through. And the last mile and a half was the biggest runner’s high I’ve ever felt – I knew I was going to make it and I was able to finish strong. I had no pain in that last mile or so, just complete euphoria. (The pain came back just over the finish line, though. Of course.)
Did CHRC help you train for/run/celebrate this race? If so, how?
Yes! I did the majority of my runs alone, but CHRC supported me the whole time with Stava kudos, words of advice and encouragement, and of course high fives along the course and afterwards at our post-race party. I also never would have run this race without their inspiration and motivation to begin with.
Would you run it again?
At mile 16, my answer was, “Absolutely!” At mile 23, it was, “Absolutely not, no way, never again.” With a few days distance, I’m already looking up training plans to figure out how I can be better prepared for next time…
What was your race experience like?
Incredible. Difficult. And so much fun. I knew it would be hard but nothing has ever pushed me this hard before. I was pushing myself to run past extreme pain, knowing that the finish line was waiting for me. I had an index card in my pocket with a list of where my spectator friends would be waiting, and between keeping an eye out for them, the energy from the crowd, and all the texts that came through from my friends, I had no problem pushing through. And the last mile and a half was the biggest runner’s high I’ve ever felt – I knew I was going to make it and I was able to finish strong. I had no pain in that last mile or so, just complete euphoria. (The pain came back just over the finish line, though. Of course.)
On November 4th, 2018, I ran the 2018 NYC Marathon, as a proud representative and member of CHRC. It was my first marathon (of hopefully many), and though I’d spent the previous eighteen weeks in training, I believe that nothing can truly prepare you for the excitement and uncertainty of race day. I entered the race with the general goal of finishing, a more specific goal of feeling okay while finishing, and a (kind of unrealistic) goal of finishing in under 5:00. I achieved one and a half of those goals.
I gained entry to the 2018 NYC Marathon through NYRR’s 9+1 program. I had initially set out to complete the 5-borough series in 2017 with a friend, but as I tagged along on her training runs in preparation for the 2017 NYC marathon, I was inspired to enter the 2018 race myself. I tacked on four more short runs and one volunteer session in late 2017, and I was in!
What was your race experience like?
I started off race day morning feeling tired. Waking up at 6:00 AM, I tried to keep my mind off the long journey ahead. I had gone to bed early the night before, with a belly full of pasta, but nerves had prevented me from sleeping well. Making the trek to the start village in Staten Island was the first hurdle: taking the subway to the ferry to the shuttle bus and then entering the village itself would have been nearly impossible without the support of the other CHRC 7:30 ferry-riders. Paradoxically, the frenetic energy of the other runners in transit helped me forget my own nervousness and stay in the moment. When the shuttle bus got stuck in traffic, I chatted with Heather, Brooke, Kelly, and Zoe, while sipping my coffee.
We disembarked the shuttles at around 10:00 – one hour to go until the start of Wave 4. Heather and I explored the blue village – we hung out with therapy dogs, grabbed some free coffee and gatorade, and nervously reapplied sunscreen before parting ways to join our respective corrals. I shed my outer layers into the donation bins – I was chilly but knew that wrestling with layers while running would prove too stressful. All too soon, the corrals collapsed and we started moving forward. I was caught between dual feelings of excitement and dread. Realistically speaking, I had 5+ hours of running ahead of me. I knew intellectually that I was well prepared, but I still struggled with doubt and fear of the unknown. The longest I had ever run was 20 miles – the final 10k of the race would be uncharted territory.
As the 4th wave moved eagerly forward to the start, we crested over a bridge and emerged from the cover of trees into full view of the Verrazano Narrows bridge. The sun shone brightly over the crowd, and I could just barely hear Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York” playing at the start line. As my part of the wave edged closer to the start, everyone broke into an eager trot – by the time we crossed the start line, I was at an easy, comfortable jog. I started my watch and took a deep breath. The race had began.
I spent the first few miles of the race smiling from ear to ear. The wind over the bridge was brisk, but I quickly warmed up. I switched from music to a podcast – Last Podcast on the Left – because I was running unaccompanied and missed the easy banter of chatting on long runs. I quickly took out my headphones after crossing the bridge, however, in order to fully take in the sights and sounds of Brooklyn. In those early miles, every funny sign brought a smile to my face. I was delighted to hear sidewalk bands playing pop punk from my teen years, and found myself hooting and hollering like a madwoman every few minutes. In retrospect, my emotional buoyancy early on was not destined to last.
At mile eight, I hit my first planned cheer station. Although I knew exactly where to look to find my friends and family, the effort required to scan faces in order to find them was exhausting. I was too caught up in the pack to stop, so once I saw my cheerleaders, I kept moving. Up next was the CHRC cheer station at mile nine. There was one issue, though – I didn’t know exactly where they were located or on what side of the street. As I was running, I pulled up the day’s instagram post and tried to memorize the surrounding buildings from the picture. I continued on through beautiful Clinton Hill, taking in the golden leaves in the trees while maintaining a comfortable, strong pace. When I finally caught sight of a few bananas soon after the 9th mile marker, I sprung into a full, goofy prance. I bounced jauntily past the crowd, feeling ebullient and energetic from the cheers and support. I marveled at the fact that I had run nine miles but still felt relatively fresh.
Soon after the cheer station, though, the mood of the race quieted down. We were passing through South Williamsburg and the sidewalks were relatively empty: since Sundays are work days for the Orthodox Jewish community, the only people out were hurrying by on errands and paying little mind to the runners. During this time, I focused on my podcast and thought ahead to my next moral support station: a friend would be cheering from Williamsburg.
As I entered Williamsburg proper, the streets slowly filled again. I began to recognize favorite restaurants and bars, and kept my eyes open for my friend. However, the effort of scanning the crowd for familiar faces began to drain me. I caught sight of my friend and managed a quick hug before jumping back in again, but something felt off. My stomach was churning from the last Gu I’d taken and my left knee was starting to twinge. Right before crossing the bridge into Queens, I took a bathroom break, thinking I just needed a moment to reset at the half marathon mark.
I don’t remember much of Queens other than continuing to feel uncomfortable – both knees were kind of hurting, which was making me nervous. My stomach still felt weird, even after stopping for extra cups of water. By the time we started up the incline of the Queensboro bridge, my emotional state began deteriorating as my knees seized up. I switched from my podcast to a playlist of upbeat music, but that just made me feel disappointed in myself when I had to pull over to the side to stretch and shake some life back into my knees. I was frustrated that I was in such pain, while the people around me still seemed to be going strong. I made a deal with myself: I would walk/jog the rest of the incline then start running again after cresting the top of the bridge. However, even after starting downhill, my knees still hurt – a lot. At that point, I resigned myself to the thought that this pain was not going away for the foreseeable future, and I would have to find a way to work around it in order to finish.
Entering 1st avenue at 59th street was truly like hitting a wall of sound, as it’s so often been described. The energy there helped me forget my knee pain for a while. I also had friends and family to look out for around mile 18, so I tried to keep my head high in preparation. I order to soothe my knees, I started walking each water station and spending one minute walking after each mile marker. My hope for negative splits was out the window. This new strategy gave me some energy back and allowed me to fully appreciate seeing my moral support system. However, as soon as I’d passed them, I was on my own again. I stupidly began counting down the miles. I had 8.2 left. It felt like an insurmountable amount.
By the time I entered the Bronx, I felt emotionally spent. The onlookers cheering and the school marching bands on the sidelines confused and infuriated me. I was so tired, and rather than energizing me, the flurry of activity surrounding the race course just made me feel scattered. Insidious, defeatist thoughts entered my head. Rather than reveling in the experience, living in the moment I had trained for, I began to just wish it were all over. I could feel how dangerous it would be to mentally give up on myself before the race was through.
I can’t say for sure what helped me keep going. Perhaps it was a combination of things. When I passed back into Manhattan, the miles left to go suddenly felt manageable. The supportive texts that had been popping up on my watch all day were coming faster now – “welcome back to Manhattan!” and “almost there!” At 90th and 5th, I saw Áine on the sidelines. She gave me gummies and told me I looked strong. I nearly broke down in tears right there. At that moment, I felt anything but strong. Near the Met, I saw my parents one last time. They were ringing these ridiculous giant cowbells and when I came into view, the entire crowd surrounding them began cheering too. My knees weren’t hurting so much anymore. I was close to finishing. I sped up.
The final mile was a blur. I was pushing my pace, I felt like I was flying. I also really, really wanted to be done so I could stop running. As I approached the finish line, I kept my eyes up so I could soak in the view and revel in the moment. As soon as I crossed, however, I felt like collapsing. I thought to myself, stupidly, that this had been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I also thought, “let’s do this again next year.”
Did you train for this race? If so, how?
I used an 18-week training plan, sent to me by CHRC’s own Liz Marvin. I edited the plan to fit in NYRR races and official long runs, and somewhat modified the mileage according to Hal Higdon’s beginner marathon training plan. Once I finished tweaking it, the plan called for long runs every weekend, maxing out at 20 miles, with 3-4 days of midweek easy running. Ideally this would have amounted to 537 miles over the training period. However, though I prioritized training this summer, life still managed to get in the way. I skipped two long runs and quite a few more midweek runs due to illness, vacation, or just plain laziness. My total training mileage ended up being 386 miles with an average of 25 miles/week. Who’s to say if those skipped runs would have made for a more enjoyable race, but at the end of the training cycle I still felt well prepared.
Did you have any goals for this race? If so, what were they?
My general goal was to finish, but I was 99% sure that was achievable. I also hoped to finish feeling strong, which I only partially accomplished. Finally, I was hoping for a sub-5 hour finish, which seemed feasible based on my half marathon times, but (mostly due to knee pain) I did not meet that goal this time. My finish time was 5:14:53.
Did CHRC help you train for/run/celebrate this race? If so, how?
I ran most of my long runs with CHRC on saturday mornings. Initially, I was apprehensive about joining the long runs because I am on the slower side – 10:30 to 11:00 pace when running long. However, I found the run leaders to be incredibly supportive of my leisurely pace and they made great accommodations that allowed me to catch up with the rest of the pack at regular intervals. On smaller group runs, run leaders kindly slowed down to my pace and chatted to me as I broke new personal records. I ran my first 15-, 16-, 17-, and 20-milers on CHRC saturday long runs. The moral support of the weekly long run crew, in addition to the smart route planning (including much-needed water and bathroom stops), was truly instrumental in the success of my training season.
What was your favorite thing about the race?
My favorite thing about the marathon was the energy and celebration surrounding the event. It was so gratifying to see the streets filled with cheering spectators – I’ve never experienced anything like it! When I was flagging in the last few miles, it felt so good to hear random strangers screaming out my name and words of encouragement.
What was the biggest challenge about the race?
The hills! The course is definitely tougher in the second half. The Queensboro bridge was truly hellish – it was so long and tedious and my energy faltered without having crowds cheering on the sidelines. The incline on 5th avenue is also no fun. At such a late stage in the race, it just felt like adding insult to injury.
Would you run it again?
Hell yeah. Next time, with knee support.
What advice/tips would you give to Royals wanting to run this race?
Find a training plan that works for you, and take it seriously. But! Not too seriously. I made the major mistake of trying to ‘make up’ missed runs on rest days in the middle of my training, and it led to feelings of burnout and lethargy that otherwise probably could have been prevented. As race day gets closer, realize that the work has already been done. One more workout won’t make or break your race, and the best thing you can do in preparation is to treat your body and mind well. Also, keep in mind that the marathon is both a physically and mentally exhausting endeavor. Give yourself time to recover afterwards – both your muscles and your emotions need time to heal. Finally, take control of every part of the race that you possibly can control, and let the rest go. Give your race day outfit multiple test runs, try out all your fuel on long runs in the weeks beforehand, and dramatically increase your hydration! If you feel mentally prepared, you’ll be more able to address any curve balls thrown at you on race day.
As someone new to town, and still new to running, I didn’t know what to expect from a 5:30 am water station volunteer gig. From these newsletters, I had a hint that there would be friendly people, and even banana suits, and was not disappointed on either count – it was great to meet so many new folks and feel welcomed to both Brooklyn and the club. A few happy surprises: coffee (thank you!!), a very healthy-looking raccoon crossing the route, the rain holding off until we closed the station, and a group cheer (C-H-R–C… ok, I’ll have to come to a few more events before I have it down). Glad to be there to cheer on the runners, especially on a damp morning – major props to all who ran, and also to all who brought enthusiasm to support the event (even the crew with the garbage truck seemed happy to be helping out). If you have ever thought about helping with a run, it’s well worth the time (even the early alarm).
Joey Marra on the Bear Mountain North Face Endurance Challenge
(last month you heard Kay’s take on this race – now it’s Joey’s turn)
In May, Kay and Joey ran the North Face Endurance Half Marathon in Bear Mountain, NY. The morning was all light rain and fog, with too few bear sightings for some runners, and one too many midrace parking lots.
I guess it’s the cheapest, quickest way to get exercise? And you don’t have to be THAT coordinated?
What’s your favorite thing about running?
I get a lot of thinking done when I’m running. I don’t run with music or podcasts, so I just kind of notice the world around me and let my brain work on stuff. I actually came up with a new idea for my school last year during runs, figured out the small details in the shower, and now it’s a real program that has helped us improve our students’ math skills!
I also like how clearly you can see progress over time. It’s satisfying.
What’s your biggest running challenge?
Definitely my stomach. I’ve really struggled with stomach issues in big races… I used the portapotties something like 5 times in the first 3 miles of the Brooklyn Half. Ugh.
Why did you join CHRC?
Aliza recruited me before the R-U-N 5K in Prospect Park last year, and it seemed like a friendly group that might be helpful as my training increased.
What’s been your favorite CHRC run/event/activity and why?
The Dyker Heights Christmas Lights run! I would never have thought of it, and even if I had, I wouldn’t run at night in the winter alone, so it was totally different from my normal routine and super fun. It also happened to be my longest run ever at that time!
What’s your favorite race and why?
I love the Jingle Bell Jog. It’s in our neighborhood, supports kids, and it’s fun. It’s also often the end of regular training for me since I don’t run as consistently in the winter. Lots of people I know run it or come out to cheer, and all the bells are ringing as we run, and people are in Christmas costumes. I ran it when I was 8 months pregnant – it was my last run before my daughter was born. I rocked a Santa Claus belly and then some!
What upcoming races will you be doing?
My first marathon on November 4th, and the Jingle Bell Jog, and then we’ll see.
What’s something you love to do when you’re not running?
Family time & reading… friend me on Goodreads if you’re a literary fiction or popular nonfiction enthusiast/snob!
What are your running goals?
At the moment, I’m shooting for an under-4 hour marathon, which is a bit of a stretch goal, or at least just not dying during the marathon. I try to take the pressure off a bit by reminding myself that it’s not like I’m gonna win. 😉
The Berlin Marathon was an experience like no other. Some fellow CHRCers and I got a place in Berlin together to help psych each other up. I arrived in Berlin the Friday before the race, excited but unsure what to expect. David and I attended marathon expo together and found it was a very confusing mess at first but you found the method to the madness once the bib and timing chip were picked up. We soon heard from our running companion, Megann, that her baggage never made it to Berlin, adding another wrinkle into our trio’s plans.
The day before the marathon was spent by doing a short run from our hotel to the Brandenburg Gate to check out the finish line and learning that the gate was NOT the finish line, so race strategy should be adjusted accordingly. We had a nice early team dinner with David, Megann, Amanda and friends and family before the night before the race and set off to get prepared for the following day.
Race day started early, as we got to the starting village by 7am and we met someonewho had previously completed the Berlin Marathon tell us that the course was easy and we would not get tired. Stunned, we took in this information and thought we would put it to the test. We arrived in our starting corrals early as well to have a good starting spot and spotted some follow NYRR members. As the starts were going off the excitement came to a head, seeing Eliud Kipchoge start and later finding out on the course that he had broken the world record with a time of 2:01:39 was a great moment for any runner. I knew I was glad to be there for it. Once the starting gun went off, I tried to stick to my race plan as best as I could, having tapered the urge to go faster than planned was there but drawing on the lessons learned from my first marathon (2017 NYC Marathon) I knew I had to resist.
I spent the first 13 miles taking in the sights of the city that I had so briefly explored previously, taking mental notes of places that I wanted to see while not running 42.195km. The sounds of the people cheering also helped lead me to a 2:24 half marathon split. As the race grew longer, I noticed every 5km after 25km, there were massage tables set up. The thought of getting one at 30km crossed my mind briefly but I knew my goal of breaking 5 hours was still in sight. The miles wore on me and I found myself walking through water stops to fill up my water bottle, and closer to the end I got, the more I walked. I knew I had to fight that as I my goal might be slipping away.
Then at 35km, someone shouted to the crowd, “If you don’t walk from here, you can all break 5 hours!”. That was the motivation I needed, a reassuring voice, 21 miles into a race telling me that I could do it. The final 7kms were tough, full of turns and all I wanted to do was to see the Brandenburg Gate once more as I had seen it the day before, hoping it would appear after each turn. Then at last, one last turn and 1km to go, I see it and I hear fellow CHRCer David yell, “Sunny! SPRINT TO THE GATE!”. I laughed a little, knowing the strategy we talked about the day before (not sprinting to the gate) but I went for it. Those last few strides, and running under the gate to the finish line 300 meters away felt great. As I crossed the finish line there was a surreal sense of relief and my body thanked me and I found myself high-fiving as many strangers as I could find. Seeing my time of 4:53:54, I exalted internally knowing all those early alarms, canceled plans, pain and sweat made a difference that day and I had achieved a goal that I could not have accomplished without the support of my fellow CHRC runners.
So we celebrated. Our CHRC runners knew they earned that medal that day and we had a great time enjoying the food and beer of Berlin that evening. A race well run.
Did you train for this race? If so, how?
I knew from my 2017 NYC marathon training that training for another marathon this year would not be easy. During my NYC marathon training, I found myself running sometimes at 3am to get in 20 miles before having to get ready for work. I wanted to try something new and read about the Hansons Marathon Method while I was recovering from an injury in early 2018. It thought it provided the balance I needed in a training plan throughout the week and it capped the long runs to 16 miles, which would mean I could get more sleep during the work week. I settled with this plan and found that it required 18 weeks of training, so I began training the week of the Brooklyn Half Marathon. It was a tough 18 weeks, but I was able to get through it with a combination of CHRC’s Monday Morning Miles, Friday Five and the Saturday long run, along with training with some other Brooklyn running clubs (BedStuy Flyers and November Project Brooklyn). This combination gave me a great mix of easy running, speed/strength work, tempo and long runs for 6 days a week of running. My peak mileage capped out at about 50-55 miles in a week, which I had previously not attained but the encouragement from my fellow CHRC runners kept me going.
Did you have any goals for this race? If so, what were they?
My initial goal for the Berlin Marathon was to break 4 hours and 40 minutes, however, as my body was getting used to the training and mileage I began feeling the onset of some injuries. From week 7-11 of my training, I was dealing with some knee and achilles issues which hampered the full extent of my training for about 4 weeks. As I struggled to maintain fitness, the reality of attaining my goal became more and more out of reach. I knew I had to reassess this goal. As my time for the NYC Marathon last year was 5:06, I thought a good backup goal would be to break 5 hours. I knew I had learned some valuable lessons during my first marathon that I could utilize in Berlin and help me with this revised goal. Ultimately, this goal proved attainable with my crossing the finish line at 4:54, improving my time by over 10 minutes!
Did CHRC help you train for/run/celebrate this race? If so, how?
CHRC was instrumental in helping me train, run and celebrate this race. I never found myself lacking for running companions during training. Known as the early bird, lots of folks reached out to me during the summer who were looking some help running before work (sometimes as early as 4am). The meet and greets during training helped me balance running with relaxing but also provided an opportunity to catch up with other marathoners to see how their training was going and how they were adapting. CHRC provided the base, support and community I needed to get through the finish line on September 16th! Kudos to David, Megann, Amanda and Joe who were our other Royals running the Berlin Marathon this year, who helped motivate the day before. Some of us even grabbed a good Italian dinner to help carb load the day of the race!
What was your favorite thing about the race?
My favorite thing about the Berlin Marathon had to be the international runners and the crowd. Running and seeing all the diverse languages being spoken by runners and cheerers alike, was very unique. Also, seeing all the different types of race jerseys being worn, some signaling that the person had done over 100 marathons, or a marathon in each US state, or this being the last world major for a person to cap off the 6 world major marathons and even seeing fellow NYC racing jerseys (PPTC, NBR, Dashing Whippets, November Project and of course CHRC!)
What advice/tips would you give to Royals wanting to run this race?
I would recommend this race to any CHRC Running Royalty that would like a good destination marathon. Book accommodations early and leave time after the marathon to enjoy the city. This was my second time in Berlin and it is a great city to see with such history and lots of neighborhoods to explore. One bonus is that the subways are typically on time, a welcome sight when coming from NYC! We also had folks who were able to do some traveling after the marathon and arrive in Munich in time for Oktoberfest the following weekend!
Just when you were mourning the end of your summer travels, three postcards from travel races to cheer you up!
Gideon Bautista on the New Jersey Marathon:
Distance: 26.2 miles Date: April 29th, 2018 Location: Monmouth, NJ
Favorite race moment: Getting called “banana man” while not even wearing the costume by people who couldn’t have possibly known I race in banana costumes.
Favorite CHRC moment: Going to the “OG” (Olive Garden) & Toys R Us the afternoon before with Big Dave, then play-testing “Wheels Up”, a board game designed by Spencer McCormick (like an aviation version of Ticket To Ride!), and other board games at Megann’s!
Walt Walker on the Broad Street Run:
Distance: 10 miles Date: May 6, 2018 Location: Philadelphia, PA
Favorite race moment: It was my 10th BSR, which meant that I no longer had to enter the lottery for the race. I automatically qualify now. More importantly, it also marked 10 years of me running, which gave me some time to reflect on how much I’ve developed personally and physically. I ran that first race in 90 minutes. Now, I’m down to 68 minutes.
Favorite CHRC moment: There were ten of us that stayed in a house for the weekend. We spent all of Saturday and Sunday together, and I enjoyed sharing with the team the neighborhoods and the memories where I grew as an adult. Also, they were able to experience firsthand why the Broad Street Run is one of my favorite races.
Kay Naito on The North Face Challenge – Bear Mountain Half Marathon:
Distance: 13.1 miles Date: Sunday May 6, 2018 Location: Bear Mountain, NY
Favorite race moment: Getting to the last aid station and seeing that Joey was still with me, still running at planned pace despite obvious pain; crossing the finish line with him, and then later seeing his brother and girlfriend make it across the finish line as well, totally fine and happy (I had been worrying about how they were getting through their first Half-Marathon on this course, in the rain)
Favorite CHRC moment (if you traveled to/ran this race with CHRC): This is maybe not a “favorite” moment or necessarily about being with CHRC; but an important memory I have from the race.
The Bear Mountain 50K had been my goal spring race – it was going to be my first ultra marathon, and I’d planned to do it alongside Dave Gibbons. Early in the winter, I pulled my hamstring at a race finish and I had been pushing the recovery for several months. It hadn’t been going well and I dropped to the Half-Marathon event. In April, I doubled down on healing. To stop myself from feeling frustrated about this race, I focused on running this with my husband, his brother, cheering for Dave and all the others who ran in this North Face Challenge.
At one point in the race, I felt a wave of grief over my body. About a year prior, I had been so strong, completing the Breakneck Marathon with CHRC in 7.5 hours. Here, I was not even certain about finishing a Half Marathon at my desired pace. Not long after, I was overcome with gratitude for the strength in my body I felt just then; the club members in CHRC who helped me get through the months of so many starts and stops in my training; and the experience of running as witness to someone else’s finish line.
Here I am, Crooks Chicken, your faithful reporter and leader of this expedition.
Editorial Note:For our August 2018 Crown Crier, we have a guest feature on CHRC’s 2018 Camping Trip from none other than Crooks the Chicken. Crooks the Chicken is a longtime member and unofficial mascot of CHRC and a roommate of CHRC members Spencer McCormick and Nicole Teeny. When she’s not camping with CHRC, she enjoys traveling by backpack to destinations far and wide. You can follow her adventures on Instagram and Twitter and find articles about her all over the web. But only here, in the Crown Crier, can you hear from Crooks, herself (at least until she finishes her first first novel).
Please be aware that this is just one chicken’s account of this year’s camping trip, equal parts fanciful and horrific. I encourage you to seek out a multi-perspective account by querying other campers about their experiences.
This is an ancient and terrifying story. Its origins lie a billion years ago, when what we call North and South America smashed into one another, creating metamorphic rock in a mountain building event named the Grenville Orogeny. Though eroded over thousands of millennia, cut by glaciers, and shrouded by fungi and plant, this granite rock still stands. It forms the visible foundation of a gentle ridge that we call Crooks Peak.
The granite rock I’m standing on was created a billion years ago! Little did we know the ancient & mysterious forces we were about to encounter.
Having a fondness for that land, and after a very long winter feeling absolutely cooped up, I endeavored to journey there. But though I wished it, and though I do accept the mantle of leadership (including such trivialities as having things named after me), I was much too busy to organize an expedition.
Luckily I know a gentleman, a Mr. Kasabwala, who is quite capable in such matters. With a few weeks’ notice, he assembled a company, 13 strong, who I humbly introduce to you, in name and title, here:
Ms. Crooks Chicken, Leader
Mr. Sunny Kasabwala, 1st Officer
Shelley, Driver
Danielle, Driver
Akil, Driver
Brenda, Company Cook
James, Quartermaster
Louie, Able Hiker
Elise, Adjunct Coordinator
Abby, Legal Compliance Consultant
Dave, Navigator & Communications Operator
Rebekah, Field Specialist
Spencer, Secretary
I first met the crew at the rendezvous. Frankly, I was quite concerned, for it’s so difficult to find people of quality, but I found them quite satisfactory, especially given all had willingly volunteered despite the great danger and for no wages. At 9 o’clock we departed.
The journey there was uneventful.
By about noon, we were somewhat established, our camp founded, a fire started, and rations distributed. Crooks’ Peak is shaped like an arrowhead, and with steep inclines on both sides of the point, it is somewhat defensible. From this vantage, in concert with Mr. Kasabwala and Dave, the navigator, I plotted our course.
I had an inkling we’d find something quite extraordinary. An Orogeny is often defined as a geologic process, when tectonic plates fold into one another, creating a mountain range, but an Orogeny is something else too, a metaphysical rift in the universe where the extraphysical becomes manifest. It was to this rift we’d venture.
The expedition sets off. Did anyone else notice the sign?
Carried by Spencer, my secretary and steward, I was afforded ample opportunity to observe. I saw a woodpecker drumming. A dragonfly buzzed just by me. Even though it was dry, nearly desiccated, the forest was well alive. There were bugs, birds, and critters of all sizes and types in the air, on the ground, everywhere.
We arrived at a circular clearing. Under us lie dark granite rock. Overhead vultures circled. Ahead stood a dead white tree covered in cackling crows.
“Look at that flock of crows,” said Louie, an able hiker.
“It’s called a murder,” I said.
“What?”
“When you have a group of crows, you call it a murder.”
“Oh huh, why’s that?”
“Premonition, Louie. Premonition.”
Only a little ways down the trail we came to a large hole in a granite wall. Was this a portal to cross universes? Danielle, one of the drivers, volunteered to enter and see. She left with joy on her face and a hop in her step.
Why did Danielle so joyfully volunteer to enter this portal into the unknown?
We sat and waited. That’s when I saw it. It was perched in a tree, watching us. We had missed it, having our eyes set blindly to the ground. Akil, driver, saw it too.
“What’s that?” he asked, pointing into the tree.
“I don’t know. It looks like a really large bird,” said James, quartermaster.
But it wasn’t a bird. It was something else entirely. Half angel and half demon, five feet tall with red eyes and a razor sharp beak, shrouded in black barbed feathers, it was a werechicken.
Then it was too late. It was descending. James was screaming. Akil was screaming. Its great wings flapping, its black feathers shimmering sapphire in sunlight, it landed nearly on Akil, standing before him raising its beak to his head.
Now, I presume you’re familiar with werechickens. Much like werewolves, just smarter and much more beautiful, werechickens are metaphysical creatures born from when a human is pecked by a werehicken combined with exposure to the full moon’s light.
Everyone was quite surprised to see a werechicken. Dave and Rebekah, field specialist, were stupefied into paralysis. Luckily, Brenda and Shelly, cook and driver respectively, were on their feet and had grabbed large sticks in an attempt to shield Akil from the werechicken. Akil, however, was still screaming. So was James.
As for me, I was not surprised. I was actually rather hoping we might come across one. Both chicken and human, yet neither, I have always found the werehicken’s contradictions most intriguing. Curiously it was studying Akil. What was it thinking? Could we communicate with the werechicken?
When through the woods we spied a pair werechickens running for us like hungry velociraptors.
“Quick, run to the lake!” yelled Dave.
After being saved by the lake, everyone was quite relieved. As a leader, I’ve come to recognize that optimism is the foundation of moral courage.
As you probably know, a werechicken is basically perfect. They have but two potential weaknesses, they don’t like to get wet and they go to sleep promptly at dusk (Similar to actual chickens, by the way). So if you find yourself being chased by a werechicken your best bet is to hide in a lake. Luckily Dave knew where the lake was.
“Follow me!” said Dave. “Run! Run!”
We sprinted there (well I was carried by Spencer) and somehow managed to make it into the lake without even a single peck. In hindsight, I do wonder why they did not give more vigorous chase. Were they simply playing with us?
After only fifteen minutes prancing up and down the lake’s shore, the werechickens gave up. We waited for another hour, and seeing no werechickens, slowly emerged from the lake. Still seeing no sign of werechickens we decided to hike back to our camp, rest and regroup.
We were about 800 feet from the lake. When from behind us, we heard the most blood curdling cluck. I turned to see what it was, hoping that maybe it wasn’t. But it was. A werechicken.
Akil attempted to lookout. Unfortunately he failed.
“Oh gosh,” said Eloise, adjunct coordinator. “There’s five of them!”
“And we’re cut off from the lake.” said Brenda.
“Dave, is there another lake we could hide in?” asked Mr. Kasabwala.
“Not really. No, they’re all too far. We’d never make it.”
“Wait, wasn’t there an abandoned summer camp?” said Rebekah. “We could hide in one of the buildings.”
When one of the werechickens, it must have been a wererooster, for it was large, easily six feet, with a fleshy bright red comb and magnificent tail plumage, let out a guttural crow and started to trot toward us.
“Oh gosh!”
“Run for the summer camp! Run!”
But the werechickens began to run too. And they were fast. Like jungle birds of old they wove through the trees, heads extended forward and tails dancing behind, gaining ten feet on us by the second.
“Can we fight them?”
“They’re so big!”
“If we make it to the abandoned summer camp, we’ll be safe.”
“But they’re so fast!”
“Just run!” said Dave.
“I am running!” said Akil.
“We’re not going to make it!”
“Help!” said Rebekah as one the werechickens nipped at her.
“Don’t worry, I got this,” said Louie, as he extended his hiking stick into a weapon of sorts.
“Louie, what are you doing!” said Mr. Kasabwala.
“We don’t have time. Just go. Run. While you still you can.” said Louie.
“No! Louie!” shouted Rebekah, as Shelly grabbed her pulling her to safety.
And then the werechickens were on him. It was the last time we saw Louie. Whether they consumed him on the spot or left him to turn into a werechicken I do not know. (You may have noticed that though Louie was listed as a camping participant, he’s not in any of the photos.) Louie 😢
As we sprinted toward the abandoned summer camp, you could hear werechicken crows echoing across the forest and converging toward us. Abby, legal compliance consultant, busted through a door and the party piled into the camp’s old mess hall. Would we find a nesting werehen brooding within? There wasn’t time to check.
You probably know what happens next. There was a moment of respite. James handed out beers he’d manged to carry throughout, Brenda made the most delicious egg & veggie tacos, while everyone told defining anecdotes about themselves. Meanwhile Eloise stumbled across an old diary, and the last entry said, “Werechickens broke into mess hall and got another 5 kids, may have to permanently abandon summer camp.”
Then the werechickens came home to roost, as you might kinda say. Abby opened a door and discovered the aforementioned brooding werehen who was indeed very upset. That was quite startling, and yet what followed was even more startling, dramatic & tense: werechickens prancing on roof and coming through chimney, werechickens pecking and almost breaking through boarded up window, Akil and James screaming more, etc. The abandoned summer camp where we took refuge.
But then it was dusk, and, just like actual chickens, the werechickens went to sleep. Some would not believe we were safe to depart, and while their fear was understandable, depart we must.
When we got back to camp I saw how haggard everyone was, the trauma spelled out on each face. I could not allow them to live with that trauma. With Rebekah, I administered both were-venom cure and forgetting potion to each. When they awoke next morning, all believed they’d gone on a simple hike.
So why did I write this, after I committed everyone to forget? A fair question. Frankly though, I am familiar with the smallness of the human mind, and I am confident that even after having the facts laid out to them in plain English, not one will believe we were attacked by werechickens.
And yet. That doesn’t answer the question. Why do I tell you this story? Bearing witness to my hubris, you can imagine how I’ve been haunted. From everyone who was pecked, I endeavored so sincerely to cure the were-venom. But of this world, driven by curious and ancient processes most inscrutable, who’s to say if I even halfway knew what I was doing.
Working with Rebekah to treat the party
A job well done!
This story, my dear reader, is a warning. For I must admit it’s entirely possible, say while on an evening run or simply waiting on a street corner, that one of them may find themselves under the full moon’s light, and in the power of that spell, maybe not immediately, no it may take some minutes, they will find themselves withering, shaking, probably screaming, as sprouting feathers they turn into a WERECHICKEN.
Should you find yourself in such a situation, do not give aid, do not pause, do not instragram it, JUST RUN. RUN!!!!!
(It’s good you all are members of a running club.)
In friendship always,
Ms. Crooks Chicken
Leader
After a successful treatment, everyone is a happy camper. (Or are they?!)
